Walk 44. Lovely evening

Sunny, 59 degrees, gorgeous views along the sound. Here's my trail...

I've sort of lost my inspiration. I don't know what to write about anymore! Maybe it's because I've been in pain the last few times out and I just want to get home. My mind hasn't been wandering like usual.

3.4 miles

Walk 43. A break in the clouds

Partly sunny usual walk along Magnolia blvd after church. Shoes still hurt, but I think it's my legs/calves/feet getting used to them. 3.3 miles.

Walk 42. New kicks

I had super high hopes for them and they felt great walking around the house, but ouch. My calves were burning at the beginning and the balls of my feet at the end. I hope they feel better soon.

Mags, 2.9 miles.

Oh, and it has been the wettest March ever in Seattle. Sigh. Get me out of here.

Walk 41. So much rain

GL. 2.9 miles

Walk 40. Kinda bored

E has been working early this week so I've been taking the kids to school, and that puts me right next to GL around 9:15 with a couple hours on my hands. That's why GL has been the walk this week and today was no exception. It was misty and cold, but I headed out anyway. Made it once around and since it was only around 10 and I had nothing else to do I walked it again. I think it's funny that I walked an extra 2.8 miles because I was bored. Especially since just last week walking a 2nd lap was such a mental stumbling block.

I started using mapmywalk on March 15 and since then I've walked 46.4 miles. Prior to that I estimate I walked about 71 miles (I wish I was using MMW the entire time. It's fun seeing the miles add up.). So total since day 1 I've walked 117 miles. Good thing to note on Walk 40! Also, my clothes fit much better, my posture has improved, my arms and core are getting stronger and I'm sure putting in all those miles has helped my heart, immune system, circulation, bone density, brain, etc. The thing that hasn't budged is the scale, which is so discouraging. I didn't weigh myself when I started, but I finally got on it a couple days ago and I think I'm pretty much where I started. I was hoping walking alone would result in weight loss (in addition to all the other ways it has benefited my life), but I think I have to get my eating in check.

Since I started this challenge there has been a part of me that just wants it over with. I can see how when you're running a race you just want to finish it and be done. The prob with a challenge that lasts an entire year is the last thing I want it do is fly by! I'm in my 40s! The years are already zooming past and my kids are growing up way too quickly. I want to enjoy every single day. I think that's where the fear of missing a walk really comes in... I'm worried about not reaching my goal 365 walks in a row. The funny thing is, once I do I'll prob go for a walk on day 366...

Like I've told myself before, it's just like I'm on the trail and I need to take it one step (one day) at a time.

5.7 miles

Walk 39. Invisible string

I'm already done with my walk. GL again, in the rain again, but it's only 10:30 and I don't need to pick up J for 90 minutes. I guess blogging on my phone (not ideal) and watching other walkers will have to do. At least until the Green Lake library opens.

Today while walking I was thinking how it feels like there is an invisible string connecting all my walks together back to day one and it sort of feels like day 39 (almost 40!) is just a continuation of the first walk at Joshua Tree. I like that.

Not many people know about this blog. I've only shared it with a few family and friends. I would love more folks read about my journey or maybe even join me. But I'd like that to happen without inviting 350 of my closest FB "friends" to take a look. I want to stay anonymous. Maybe I'm a little embarrassed this is my challenge when I can see it seeming silly and much too easy to lots of people.

Of the folks who do read this, I wonder if you come back to see if I've missed a walk. That was definitely my fear in the beginning. I asked a friend to join about a week after I started and she was interested but didn't want to because she felt "paralyzed by failure." I can so relate to that feeling. Trying again and again to reclaim our health but falling short because the challenge may have been rigged against us in the first place. There are so many experts and rules and gear and people saying do this, no this, louder and louder but I hope by being quiet and listening to our bodies we can figure out how to get to our own place of wellness, naturally and gently which is our birthright. It's what our bodies are made to do. Back to the thought of will I miss a walk? That fear has gone completely because walking is so enjoyable. It's not on my "to do " list, it's a pleasurable want like laughing with an old friend. That said, I hope I don't jinx it! I guess the underlying fear is still there... just a little is left.

Here's to hoping we can push aside the noisy commands from fitness experts, throw out the rules and trust ourselves. And please join me wherever you are. Walking daily is pretty great.

2.9 miles

Walk 38. Twice

Walked GL twice after dropping kids off at school. It was no big deal. Yay to overcoming mental challenges! Light rain but not cold. I brought the wrong jacket and was worried I would get soaked. Luckily after the first time around the rain really let up, enough to take off my hood and hat and enjoy the day. Maybe it was a blessing? The clouds gathered and the rain started falling in earnest as I got back to the car.

At mile 4 my feet started to hurt. Yesterday when I pushed J in the stroller I stayed on the asphalt path and my feet hurt most of the time. I've been wearing cross trainer shoes without much cushioning or a stacked heel (haven't ordered the Altra's yet. Worried about sizing.) and my feet feel good if I stay on the gravel path or even better if I walk on grass/dirt.

I know I complain about Seattle a lot, but I have to admit where I'm able to walk is pretty darn great.
1. the "usual" loop just outside my front door where i walk on grassy parking strips and then along a long stretch of grass facing the Puget Sound.
2. GL with a gravel or dirt/grass path the entire lake (the asphalt path is where most folks walk but I stay off that as much as possible. [staying off the beaten path is what this blog is all about!]).
3. Discovery Park loop which is almost all dirt trail.

Being able to mostly walk on natural surfaces and stay off sidewalks or streets is important to me, important to this process. I think many of the benefits of walking come from walking how we were made to walk. On natural surfaces with feet in a natural position. And I feel so blessed I live where this is easily accessible to me. Maybe Seattle isn't so bad after all.

5.8 miles

Walk 37. J fell asleep

Walked GL after picked up J from school. He fell fast asleep in the stroller and looked so cute. Kind of felt like having a baby again. Beautiful warm spring day.

2.9 miles

Walk 36. This time with the fam

Walked Discovery Park loop this morning with the family. I insisted they join me. it's beautiful today and it was gorgeous on the trail. Sunlight filtering through the trees, lots of different birds singing their songs, friendly dogs and friendly folks smiling at seeing two kids enjoying nature. J walked slow and had to stop, examine and comment on his experience. He needed lots of trail mix along the way. we took a rest after 2 miles and sat on a bench in the sun overlooking the sound. S said her legs from the knee down really hurt and she wanted to go home and read. J ended the walk on E's shoulders....and E is sick. But i'm so happy we did it. First family hike of spring. First hike of many more to come (I hope).

2.9 miles

Walk 35. Discovery Park loop

First time walking at Discovery Park in 2014. We're fortunate to live only about a mile away. It was beautiful. a little scary at the beginning (wish i had never seen the Blair Witch Project) since I was walking alone, but soon enough the trail filled with other walkers and runners.

When I finished someone was blasting "In Summer" from Frozen in the visitor's center parking lot. that made me smile. And want to sing along!

50 minutes, 2.9 miles.

Walk 34. Unzipped

Quickly walked GL this morning before meeting with my therapist. I was recently diagnosed (officially! i've suspected for years) with PTSD. I thought i had enough time to walk between school drop-off and meeting her, but still I kept checking the clock and quickened my step. The walk wasn't that enjoyable even though the sun was shining because I had a nagging feeling of worry. Worry I'd be late, worry about going, just worry.

And I shouldn't have. I walked GL in record time with no foot pain, made it to her office with time to spare and the session was so productive.

After every session since we've been working on my PTSD I have no way to describe how I'm feeling except as unzipped. It's a mellow, warm in my chest, close to tears feeling that lasts the entire day.

But I was thinking after I heard from the NPR weather guy that this spring and summer in Seattle is going to be warmer than usual (Yay! We need it). And spring started yesterday. Maybe unzipped can mean removing instead of exposing, or gentle opening to warmth from the sun, warmth from understanding, warmth from figuring it out, and maybe warmth from hope. And definitely warmth from sunnier walks.

48 minutes, 2.8 miles.

Walk 33. Green Lake +

Walked Green Lake this morning after I dropped the kids at school. It was pleasant and peaceful but from the first step a thought in my head said, "You have the time walk it twice."

Funny how a thought can color my walk and take something happy and stress-free and turn it into a "should." I tried to ignore the thought or just put it aside at least until I finished walking around once. I'm realizing I can talk myself out of something I'm enjoying by thinking about the next step. and then I either stop the first, or stop having fun on the first...when really it's just my mind getting in the way.

I tried keep my walk easygoing...."If you feel good and want to walk again, great," I told myself. "But don't miss the first lap around Green Lake. Don't miss the walk you're on."

I wonder, or probably know, that I do this with other things in my life. I get worried about lap 2, so I don't enjoy or even finish lap 1. I don't want to do this anymore.

Anyway, I made it to back to the start. I wanted to continue, but my mind filled with an errand that would be much better to run without J. But by then, I wanted to keep walking. So I did.

A little while into lap 2 by feet started to hurt, so I turned back. The last thing I want to do is get injured and have to miss a walk. But i wonder....was it just my thoughts holding me back?

3.5 miles, little over an hour.

Walk 32. Love my sis

Welcome sissy, your kiddos and cats. It makes me smile that you went for a walk in your neighborhood while I was out walking in mine. I love that your cats followed you. It's bringing up childhood memories of Muffin slyly trailing behind.

Walked the usual route + a couple back and forths to the library + a play date pick-up.

1st library trip was taking J and his friend on a scooter and balance bike. While there and we ran into Marissa with her baby and middle kid. I always see lots of friends when my hair is the craziest and I have zero make-up on. What is that all about? Maybe when I'm feeling especially lonely I should just wear a bathrobe out and then I'll see everyone!

2nd library trip was picking S up from her first young readers book club. (they discussed "Holes" and ate donut holes. Cute.) She decided to go home with a friend for an hour, so I went for a walk and picked her up there at the end. We walked home together hand-in-hand.

4.5 miles. 

Walk 31. Mommy daughter time

Walked with S while she roller skated. Went through the park and ballfields to Bartell's to return a Redbox and then stopped at the small tennis courts for her to glide on the smooth surface. Love her!!

2.3 miles

Walk 30. Woo hoo!

Made it to 30. Only 335 to go. Probably shouldn't think about it that way.

Walked to Seven Hills running shop on the other side of Magnolia. Tried on new shoes. Really liking the Altra Zero Drop. Think I'll have to get a pair.

3.1 miles.

Walk 29. So very wet

Usual walk, lots of rain.

3.2 miles. 58 minutes.

A pic of a cake on a walking blog?

I know! I should probably take it down. but...

Walk 365 is different. This isn't a count calories, measure inches, weigh weekly, omit foods (at least not yet) kind of project.

I actually think it's bigger than that and those ideas are limiting and might be what makes Americans overweight, sedentary and unhappy in the first place. Or at least, it's probably part of it.

Today marks a month since I've started and I've learned...

It's about walking. I've learned going for walks is kind of special. and I feel more like a human on this planet after a month of walking than I have in years.

Daily walking....

Will connect you with a natural side of yourself.
Will help you sleep better. definitely.
Is a natural antidepressant.
Can make old friends better friends.
Can help you make new friends.
Will make you become friends with yourself.
Will help you come up with great ideas,
and will keep you calm as you put those ideas into action.
Will make you grateful (because the world is so beautiful and I've been seeing it mostly from inside a car. Sad.)
Will make your kids happier (either coming along with you, or just by being a better mom).
Will make you feel strong as you walk against the rain and wind.
Will make you an explorer (walks in the early morning, late at night, on the lonely PCT going the wrong way, or in an empty slot canyon. [that reminds me i still need to write about that hike!]).
Will make you HAPPY.

Walk 28. Dedication

Just got back from my walk (it's 10:15 pm). Today was so busy. J's bday party + he's sick, S went to another party, and E had to work. The kids did not want to walk with me, so as soon as E got home I was out the door. just walked to library, past Fatima, to Albies, through the village and home. In the rain. 2 miles.

p.s. J really wanted a Star Wars cake, so I made him one! it was kind of hard (i was frosting and decorating it this morning instead of going on a walk), but it's delicious. i think no more cupcakes for birthdays and i will make everyone cakes from now on.

p.p.s. i know.... i stole this phrase from star wars day....but i HAD to use it because he's 4. and he loves star wars! it couldn't be more perfect.

Walk 27. With a friend

Went on a fairly long walk with a new friend. She mostly talked--and that's good! I liked getting to know her better and I think as women we process by talking it out. Plus, it helped me think about my "stuff" while hearing about hers.

35th winding south to Magnolia Blvd, up to the stop sign, back down the blvd, across the bridge, through the village.

Walked about an hour.

Time travel

As I've been walking lately and reading back over earlier blog posts a thought occurred to me. Another benefit of daily walking is it slows time. Really!

Before I started my walks the weeks would zoom past and I'd struggle to remember what I did with my days or if I even enjoyed them. Now, taking time every day to breathe, walk, think, and clear my mind has made everything slow down and become much more enjoyable. At least that's my theory.

I've been mulling this over and was going to talk about it on Walk 30, but last night I watched an amazing movie About Time (available now at Redbox). It's a love story, but not what was given away in the previews. Please see it. I was bawling. It's all about appreciating the beautiful moments of ordinary life.

I need to watch it again.

Walk 26. Calm morning

Walked Green Lake again. Felt calm and relaxed. No pressure to walk fast or stress about hurrying (although I should be a little stressed because we're throwing J his first bday party with friends on Saturday and I always worry about that stuff. Silly, since E throws parties for a living. It's the Star Wars cake that has me nervous!! Anyway...)

It's been a busy week with lots of deadlines, forms to fill out, meetings, 1 conference. But still, the calm. Maybe it's another benefit of a daily walk. Especially a morning walk. It puts the Zen icing on life.

2.8 miles.

Walk 25. Long day

Beautiful spring day. Chaperoned S's field trip to the Pacific Science Center, then played at Green Lake playground with J and walked about 1/2 mile. Later took the kids with me (J on his scooter, S on roller skates) on a walk to the bluff, across the ravine bridge and through the village, where we stopped for dinner (sushi and tempura) and then walked home. 2+ miles.

walk 24. cormorants

walked green lake this morning. on the dock near the community center saw these birds.

with them was a blue heron and in the trees nearby was a bald eagle (i didn't see it, but some other unexpected bird watchers let me know). 2.8 miles.

walk 23. ouch

just got back from a 40 minute walk. gorgeous outside. it's been off and on raining then sunny all day. lots of blossoms on trees and everything looks crystal clear. the clouds over the sound were beautiful fluffy contrasts white to dark and downtown was bathed in golden light.

but ouch! it was a tough walk. i was tired and kind of winded then entire time. i hope i'm just dehydrated.

and ouch, my heart. my sweet baby is 4. not much of a baby anymore.

walk 22. the seattle freeze

first off, the seattle freeze is real. on my walk today i passed a normal looking couple and said, "morning" and they literally cringed, put their heads down and walked past.

i am my father's daughter. i say hi to everyone. (or maybe i'm just from california.) it's so unnerving to go walking every day and always (well pretty much always--i think i've walked past some other cali folks) say hello first. and sometimes get a response and sometimes no. they usually seem startled. it's so weird. i am less than 2 feet away from you and we are walking past each other on the sidewalk. how can you pretend i'm not there?

anyway...

i'm already back. almost usual walk done. 50 min, 3 miles.

how did that happen, you ask? didn't e have a church mtg??

well, this is the day my walks start to benefit him. he slept in because he stayed up too late first working, then watching that zombie tv show (to unwind. for reals.). when he finally got up he stumbled out and said something like, "don't you have to go on a walk? i'll miss my meeting so you can go. it will be fine. i can go at 10:30."

glad to see you're on board, hon (but i already knew that). see? daily walks are good for everyone.

j's last day being 3...

and e's baptism anniversary date. 12 years! (which he will commemorate by being at church 6 hrs. it's fitting. and it's the sched of a guy on the high council during ward conference time. ;-)

also, first day of daylight saving time. arguably the best day of the year. gateway to sunshine until 9 pm. it's coming (please come quickly).

but mostly today is my last day with a 3 yr old nugget. so incredibly bittersweet there almost aren't words.

oh, about the walking...

it's not raining now, but e has to go. rain is forecast all day. i think i'll put off the walk until after church.

walk 21. a new habit

as i've been walking i've been thinking about getting to certain milestone days. 21 to create a habit, 30 walking for a month, 100 because it's triple digits and almost 1/3 of the way there, etc.

here we are at 21.

i feel good and confident that i can do this. i feel like i've made room in my life for walks and i like where i'm headed. it makes me happy. i like feeling connected to the earth, i like feeling "in" my body and doing something i was created to do (as opposed to staying inside staring at a screen). i think i'm just old enough to be suspicious and disillusioned of modern life. but that's a tangent....

anyway, i ran into a friend who was jogging while i walked this morning. she asked me if i wanted to sign up for a 1/2 marathon with her. i could walk it, she said. this friend, i might add is in her late 30s. no way, i replied. i'm already doing my marathon. my walk every day for an entire year, rain or shine, sickness or snow.

(i have to admit i sometimes feel silly this is my goal. i mean, i could have just gotten a dog and then i'd have to walk every day! i see the irony.)

but i also think the best exercise is the one i'll do every day.

oh, since we're at 21 i want to add something to my goal. i will go back to bikram starting monday. and then after that's become a habit i'll make dietary changes. this is how i change. one thing at a time.

i've been watching "house of cards" and remy is my favorite character. i love the winston churchill quote engraved on his watch...

"to improve is to change. to perfect is to change often."

40 min, 2+ miles.

walk 20. back on track

i was grumpystiltskins when i woke up. to be a good mom i need to get up earlier than the kiddos and have some time to myself. if i sleep in and they wake me it's not a good morning. well, today j woke me. his little body needed lots of things and since i was groggy and grumpy the chain of unhappiness began. j mad at me, me mad at s. e was wise enough to send me off on a walk (and make pancakes and get them ready for school. e is the BEST). did my usual loop. walked about an hour, 3+ miles. i'm worried that my lower back still hurting, and now my left arch feels sore. i think i need new shoes. i hope that's all it is.

walk 19. just barely

since e is has a late meeting tonight, i begged the kids to walk with me when we got s home from school. they were not pleased. so i piled on the guilt, bundled j in the stroller with semi flat tires and off we went first to the library, then the park. they had to play at the park which greatly improved their mood. then across the field to 32nd, up through the village and home. i bet it was barely a mile. but it was outside, fresh air, etc. it counts, just barely.

tomorrow i'm back to walking first thing.

uh oh. my dream might be coming true...

a.k.a. the day gets away from me.

e went to work early. i had errand to run while j in school. spontaneous visit to the burke (e doing lunch event there + first thursday free = j and i heading over to visit the dinosaur bones. he LOVED it.). then i forgot i'd set up a play date with j's friend. that and a stake mtg tonite for e and where to squeeze in a walk?!?!

walk 18. green lake

went right after i dropped s off at school. my right calf was tight and painful almost the entire walk. 2.8 miles.

when i first started i wanted to walk the lake twice (so, 5.6 miles), but my body didn't cooperate. it's so weird because my calves are usually tight on the beginning of my walk and then after i warm up (get up the dravus stairs) i feel great. today i felt lousy. and near the end i felt a twinge in my left knee. i don't want to get injured! i've always dreamed about living in that neighborhood because of the level path around the lake, but maybe green lake just isn't the walk for me.

i had a dream last night...

that i missed my daily walk. i put it off all day and when i was finally got moving it was pitch black outside and much too late (maybe it was after midnight).

interesting...

walk 17. miscommunication

my phone died. actually died (not just out of juice), which made confirming my walk this morning with a friend a little difficult. (how in the world did i live without texting?)

anyway.....it all worked out. we walked and talked again. not too fast but for about an hour. it's so therapeutic to be outside in the early morning and to talk it out.

i'm grateful for this friend. she reminded me to be grateful. she has listened to my troubles for many years. i guess that's what friends are for.

but.... miscommunication..... there has to be a link. it has to be a metaphor for my life. maybe my metaphorical phone died and i've been missing messages that were sent my way.

yesterday i prayed for something to make me feel better. and then against the weather forecast the sun came bursting through the clouds. i checked....it was supposed to be rain for the next 10 days. and there it was. sunshine. j and i immediately went outside and walked to the library in the sun. it felt so good on my face.

maybe it was a message getting through. a message that has been sent many times, but that i've been missing with my broken phone.

walk 16. misty mess....sunshine please come back

it wasn't actually so bad. no rain pelting me in the face like yesterday. but....i really wish spring would arrive soon. walked about an hour, 3+ miles.

rain, rain, go away, come again another day

it's pouring out there. buckets. but, nothing will stop me! walk 16 here i come.

walk 15. more rain

went on the usual walk. this time in the freezing rain. when i got home my thighs were bright red and sooooooo cold. 3+ miles.

lemme rant here. i kind of hate seattle. especially seattle in february (ooops. it's march). we need to move.

also, j will be 4 in 8 days. boo hoo.

walk 14. with the chitlins

j requested hot chocolate to go with his marshmallows this morning. fortunately, or unfortunately, we were out of milk so we all headed out to remedy the situation. j on his balance bike, s in a wild assortment of layers, and me with exposed cold ankles. when we arrived at the market j said, "that was fast." good sign for all the hikes to come. 2 miles.

oh, one more thing... the walk was so easy and left my body itching for more. i might go out again today or maybe for a bike ride or something. i think this is a good sign. much better than not wanting to walk. yay!